Enjoy…
WITH REPUBLICAN FRIENDS LIKE THESE …THE MEDIA LOVES CONSERVATIVES, BUT ONLY IF THEY HATE REPUBLICANS
March 15, 2009 —
Dear Mainstream Media:
I’m a conservative who believes that other conservatives are fat, drug-stuffed, money-grubbing warthogs like Rush Limbaugh, or scary inbred backwoods retards like Sarah Palin.
So can I please be your go-to guy whenever you need a conservative viewpoint?
When you assemble an op-ed page or a panel discussion that has three or four liberal commentators – plus a liberal moderator (if this is TV) or a liberal news section (if this is print) – I volunteer to be the one voice you allow to speak for the loyal opposition.
I am available to write cover stories for Newsweek, hold down the other side of the New York Times op-ed seesaw against Paul Krugman and Co., or fill in whenever David Gergen is unavailable to supply analysis of President Obama’s next magnifiquent speech for CNN.
I promise that the only conservatives I will ever praise will be safely dead (Churchill, Reagan, or, if this is PBS, Edmund Burke).
Sample phrases with which I plan to begin my columns:
"As a conservative, I am deeply troubled by the comments of (name of conservative), who just this week said (conservative things)."
Or try this one: "I’m a conservative, but nationalization is starting to look like the only viable option. I don’t mean just banks. It’s time for FedEx to be taken over by the postal service."
Or: "It breaks my heart to see what my party has become – jingoistic, hysterical, intolerant. Also, Ann Coulter should be gagged with my sweaty undershorts."
Click link for the rest…
Update: Michelle Malkin delivers ultimate smackdown to Ms. McCain here.
