Kyle Smith of the New York Post has fun with Meghan McCain and others
Posted by danishova on March 15, 2009
WITH REPUBLICAN FRIENDS LIKE THESE …THE MEDIA LOVES CONSERVATIVES, BUT ONLY IF THEY HATE REPUBLICANS
March 15, 2009 —
Dear Mainstream Media:
I’m a conservative who believes that other conservatives are fat, drug-stuffed, money-grubbing warthogs like Rush Limbaugh, or scary inbred backwoods retards like Sarah Palin.
So can I please be your go-to guy whenever you need a conservative viewpoint?
When you assemble an op-ed page or a panel discussion that has three or four liberal commentators – plus a liberal moderator (if this is TV) or a liberal news section (if this is print) – I volunteer to be the one voice you allow to speak for the loyal opposition.
I am available to write cover stories for Newsweek, hold down the other side of the New York Times op-ed seesaw against Paul Krugman and Co., or fill in whenever David Gergen is unavailable to supply analysis of President Obama’s next magnifiquent speech for CNN.
I promise that the only conservatives I will ever praise will be safely dead (Churchill, Reagan, or, if this is PBS, Edmund Burke).
Sample phrases with which I plan to begin my columns:
"As a conservative, I am deeply troubled by the comments of (name of conservative), who just this week said (conservative things)."
Or try this one: "I’m a conservative, but nationalization is starting to look like the only viable option. I don’t mean just banks. It’s time for FedEx to be taken over by the postal service."
Or: "It breaks my heart to see what my party has become – jingoistic, hysterical, intolerant. Also, Ann Coulter should be gagged with my sweaty undershorts."
Click link for the rest…
Update: Michelle Malkin delivers ultimate smackdown to Ms. McCain here.